TUAOA: Walk
by lulamaemobster
Summary: What did you say? Are you talking to me? No way, Punk! Walk on home, boy!
1. Leaf Village Scoundrels

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Leaf Village Scoudrels**

Naruto sat in the classroom with the rest of his classmates as they all waited for their jonin instructors when he was noticed by Shikamaru Nara who had just woken up from a nap.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked. "I thought your stupid ass failed."

"First," Naruto replied. "Fuck you. Second, I got this because I'm a real shinobi."

"Please," Choji said eating a bag of chips. "The only reason you got that is because you told on Mizuki, you fuckin' snitch."

"Whatever, fat ass," Naruto replied coldly. "I got this because I kicked his ass and I'd kick yours but I don't have all day."

Choji put his bag of chips down and began fighting with Naruto as their classmates watched.

"Kick his ass, Choji," Ino shouted.

"Fuck him up, Naruto," Hinata shouted.

As they fought, Iruka came in with the group of Jonin.

"Hey!" he shouted to get their attention. "Sit your asses down, now!"

They all took their seats and Hinata found a special one for her as she sat in Naruto's lap.

"I've got an idea," she whispered in his ear. "How's about we go somewhere and do it to celebrate us being on the same team together?"

"Hinata, we're twelve," he replied. "We don't even know what "it" is, yet. Plus, we don't even know if we're going to be on the same team yet."

"They'd better, I bribed them good money to ma…" she stopped as she noticed he wasn't paying attention.

She found that his attention was being paid to Sakura sitting next to Sasuke.

"This bitch again?" she asked. "Why do you like her anyway?"

Naruto was just quiet until they both got a surprise.

"Kurenai Yuhi's team will consist of Kiba Inuzuka…" Iruka said.

"Fuckin' right!" Kiba shouted. "Our sensei's hot."

"…Shino Aburame and Hinata Hyuuga."

"Son of bitch!" she shouted.

"Hey, shut the fuck up and follow your jonin outside," Iruka instructed. "That goes for everyone whose name I called."

As she left with her new team, she noticed that there were two other students left with Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke.

"Damn it," she thought. "At least one of her doesn't like him back."

The trio waited in the classroom for hours on end until their jonin showed up.

"I guess I drew the short straw," he said poking his head in. "Well, my name is Kakashi Hatake."

"Kakashi?" Naruto asked picking his head up from the desk.

"Oh, hey, kid," he said recognizing the son of his mentor. "I didn't see you back there."

"Greeting's sensei," Sakura said politely. "My name is…"

"Yeah, I can already see that I don't care enough to remember," Kakashi cut her off. "So from now on, you'll be You and, uh, Girl."

"Cha!" Sakura shouted as she got out of her seat with a different personality. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

She attacked him and he easily subdued her.

"That's right, they did say the kunoichi in my team had multiple personalities," Kakashi remembered. "Well, whomever I'm talking to, right now, try that again and I'll make the only mission you'll be going on are the ones that do not require walking as a skill."

He let her go and she went back to her seat as he began to address them.

"Now meet me at the training grounds tomorrow morning and don't eat breakfast."

"Why not?" Sakura asked.

"You don't shut up, do you? Because I said so."

Naruto left the school and went to the place he usually did at this time of day, the Leaf Village prison to visit his father, Minato Namikaze.

"How's it going?" Naruto asked him.

"Son, I hate prison," he replied. "Prison sucks."

Naruto gave his father's words some thought and came up with a response.

"I reckon it's supposed to," Naruto answered.

"Anyway," Minato said getting to matters. "Whose team are you on?"

"Kakashi's."

"Good, good, he'll look after you until Jiraiya gets here."

"You talk about him all the time," Naruto said curiously. "I know he's your master but is he that good?"

"He'll show you if he ever comes back, the Hokage sent people out to search for him but that's the funny thing about being a legendary shinobi."

"What?"

"If you don't want to be found," Minato said with a smile on his face. "You won't be."

They continued to speak until visiting hours were over, before the guards took Minato back to his cell, he asked Naruto the same question he always did.

"You still believe me, don't you?"

"Yeah, dad," Naruto replied. "I know you didn't kill mom."

With a smile, they parted ways until the next time Naruto was allowed to visit. While Naruto went to visit his father, Hinata headed home after meeting her team for the first time. She was met with her father who disapproved of just about everything she did from her general lack of interest in being a shinobi and clan matters to her interest in Naruto who had become somewhat of a delinquent since the incident with his parents.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Who cares?" she replied.

He let out a sigh of frustration and shook his head.

"Listen here, you'd better shape up and fly right. You're supposed to be the next leader of this clan and I will not see it run into the ground by the harlot you're growing up to be. You're a disgrace to our family name."

"You here that, sister?" she mockingly asked Hanabi. "Don't follow in my footsteps."

She flipped him a mental finger and left for her room, along the way, she passed by the only people in her clan that she could stand, Hizashi Hyuuga and his son, Neji."

"Cousin, Uncle."

"How are you, Lady Hinata?" they asked formally as they bowed.

"Don't call me that," she said. "I'm no more a lady than you two are Hyuuga."

Hizashi just smiled at his plain speaking niece.

"You're wise beyond your years."

"Yeah, well, having an asshole for a father smartens you up quickly."

"Don't I know it," Neji said playfully earning a smack to the back of the head.

"Well, I'm going to my room," she said. "Bye."

"Bye."

They watched her leave and prepared themselves to meet with Lord Hiashi.

"Are you ready, son?"

"Yes, father."

As they met him, they both put on straight faces as they paid him their respects.

"Lord Hyuuga," they said while they cursed his name in their heads.

Meanwhile, Naruto was at Ichiraku with Iruka, they spoke as their ramen was being prepared.

"Listen, Naruto, you're a shinobi now, so that shit you pulled back at the academy is not going to fly anymore, got it?"

"Whatever," Naruto said. "You guys just set the missions up and I'll knock 'em down."

"Here 'ya go," Teuchi said. "Two bowls of Miso."

"Shit, took you long enough," Naruto complained.

"Hey, fuck you, kid," Teuchi said. "You're lucky I don't start charging your ass for all the free ramen I've given you over the years being that you're a shinobi now."

"Ungrateful brat," Ayame added.

Time went on and Naruto's team was officially formed and begun their missions, they were mostly D-Ranked Missions consisting of simple shakedowns of the minor villages and collecting the money that the hokage was extorting from the Land of Fire's Daimyo until Naruto go a little weary of things and forced Kakashi to pay a visit to the hokage's office. They stood in front of him while he had a blank expression on his face.

"We're…" Naruto began before he was cut off.

"Did I say speak yet?" the hokage asked.

They remained silent but could hear a slurping sound coming from behind his desk, a few minutes later, the hokage let out a soft grunt. He slouched down in his chair as Anko got up from behind his desk.

"That's one D-Ranked mission," she said as she wiped her mouth.

The hokage gave her the money he owed her and she left passing by Team 7.

"I'll see you later," she said to Kakashi as she gently grabbed his crotch.

"It'll be more than a D-Rank mission," he said.

"Ooh, my pussy just jumped," she smiled at him before turning her attention to his two male students. "And maybe I'll see you two in a few years."

Angered, Sakura took out a kunai ready to attack her from behind while she left until she was stopped by the hokage turning his attentions to them.

"What do you want?"

"First, let me say that I had nothing to do with this," Kakashi said to cover his own ass.

"Boy, what the fuck do you want?"

"We're tired of this crap," Naruto said. "We want to go on a real mission."

"Yeah," Sasuke said. "How else am I going to earn my family's freedom?"

"That makes three of us," Sakura said with a sweet smile before it changed into a sneer as other personality took over. "So let us go on a real fuckin' mission!"

"Okay, I've got just the thing for you," the hokage said.

They got their mission which was bodyguard work for a bridge builder from the Land of Waves, along the way, they had a couple of run ins with a missing-nin from the Village Hidden in The Mist, Zabuza Momochi, and his protégé, Haku. As they clashed, Kakashi and Zabuza began to admire the ruthlessness with which the other fought.

"I gotta ask you, Copy Ninja," Zabuza said. "Does everyone in your village fight as you do?"

"I'm actually one the nicer guys in my village."

"In that case, I think I'm gonna like it there," he said putting his sword away. "Haku, come here."

Haku rejoined Zabuza after taking down his Crystal Ice Mirrors Jutsu.

"What is it?"

"Change of plans, we're joining up with these Leaf Shinobi."

They completed their mission and returned to the Leaf Village where Kakashi presented the hokage with two new prospective members.

"Lord Hiruzen, this is…"

"Zabuza Momochi," the hokage said. "I've heard of you and your attempt to take over the Mist Village. Unfortunately that failure was just a matter of poor planning, try that here and it won't be poor planning that causes you to fail, it'll be me breaking your neck. Other than that, welcome to the village, we could always use a dirty son of a bitch like you."

Two weeks later, after passing the first two rounds and the third round preliminaries of the chunin exams, Naruto finally meets Jiraiya as he was training.

"So, you're Minato's kid huh?"

"Who the hell are you?" Naruto asked.

"I'm Lord Jiraiya," he said. "I just got word about your father."

"So, you're supposed to be looking after me, huh? What's so special about you?"

Within an instant, Jiraiya closed the distance between them and punched Naruto in the forehead showing a small portion of his ablities.

"Ahh, bitch," Naruto said holding his forehead. "I didn't even see you."

"And I'm not even known for my speed. Now, let's go meet your father."

**MESSAGE FROM lulamaemobster**

**REMEMBER, EVERYONE, THOSE ARE THE GOOD GUYS. I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS ON "THE VILLAGE HIDDEN ON THE OTHER SIDE," THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. ALSO, I PUNKED OUT ON THE PRETTY PAINFUL/ANGEL BLADE CROSSOVER, I COULDN'T MAKE IT WORK IN MY HEAD AND IT CREEPED ME OUT MORE AND MORE. MY WHOLE RATIONALE WAS IF I COULD MAKE THAT WORK THEN I'M PRETTY GOOD AT LEAST BUT NO. PRETTY PAINFUL WILL BE BACK IN A MURDER MYSTERY CALLED "RIDERS ON THE STORM." OH, AND THE ULTIMATE ALLIANCE WILL BE BACK TOMORROW, WHICH IS 12/28/09 AS OF NOW. **

**SEE 'YA, SPACE COWBOY. BANG!**


	2. Set Up

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 16 Brawl**

**Morristofoxes and lulamaemobster came back down and met with their comrades in the Alliance who were just victorious in the brawl as they were the only ones left standing.**

"**You guys finished?" ravercozy asked.**

"**Yeah," Morristofoxes said. "We talked and you know what? She's not stuck up, she just weary of guys hitting on her for her looks. She actually an intelligent person."**

"**Really?" Kage Bijuu asked. "Hm, who'd have thunk it?"**

"**Well, you can't judge a book by its cover," Blame Truth said. "What about you, lulamaemobster?"**

"**Let's just say I've helped her blossom," lulamaemobster said.**

"**Well, guys," Uzumakie said. "Are we gonna stand here bullshittin' or are we gonna get down to business? We gotta get back to base to meet Rose Tiger about our pay."**

**They met her at their base and she was none to happy to hear that they let Hot Stuck Up Bitch or, as Morristofoxes found out, Sharon go.**

"**Calm down," Adngo714 said. "lulamaemobster fucked her friend so doesn't that matter."**

**Hearing that, Rose Tiger's face went from unhappy to full of rage.**

"**He what?"**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Set Up**

When Minato was brought from his cell to visitation, he was surprised to find his sensei with his son.

"Sensei," Minato bowed before sitting down.

"I heard about Kushina," Jiraiya said. "What happened?"

6 years ago, Minato was at his office alone filling out paper work when the ANBU arrived.

"Hold it right there, Minato," the lead ANBU said.

"What's going on?" he said standing up.

Still confused, he was arrested as the ANBU blocked his ability to perform jutsu by slapping a Chakra Blocking Curse Seal on him then cuffing and taking him away.

"Don't worry, sensei," one of the ANBU who turned out to be Kakashi said whispering in his ear. "We'll get to the bottom of this."

Minato soon found that he was charged with the murder of his wife and mother of his child, Kushina Uzumaki.

"What do you mean?" he demanded. "I would never harm her."

"We found her dead in your home with no sign of a struggle or forced entry," one of the members of the Military Police said

"That doesn't mean anything," Kakashi said sitting in to make sure his sensei wasn't railroaded. "This village is full of shinobi, we are trained to break into people's homes without anyone noticing."

"In the middle of the day?" the policeman asked. "To be honest, I conceded that but what about the fact that she didn't struggle?"

"What do you mean?" asked Minato.

"There are only two reasons why she wouldn't struggle, either the killer was someone she trusted or he flat out got the drop on her. Both roads point to you, Minato, since you are her husband and given your Flying Thunder God Jutsu which is really the only jutsu in this village that would allow someone to kill Kushina without her noticing, she was an exceptional shinobi in her own right after all."

After hearing the policeman's logic, Kakashi and Minato were at a lost for words, all Minato could think to say was that he was innocent but he knew that it was fruitless in front of such reasoning.

"Your trial is set for one month from now," the policemen said. "For what it's worth, I hope you're innocent."

As Minato was taken away, he passed a crying Naruto who was being held by Rin, the policeman that was transporting him was courteous enough to let him stop and speak to his son.

"Hey, now," Minato said kneeling. "Men don't cry, now dry up those tears."

"They said you killed mom," Naruto said as he forced back his tears.

"Do you think I did?" Minato asked.

"No," Naruto said without hesitating. "There's no way you would've killed her."

"Good," he said. "Then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks."

"I'm sorry, but I have to take you," the policeman said.

"Yeah, okay. Kakashi, Rin?"

"Yes, sensei?" they asked standing up.

"Take care of him," Minato said as he was being taken away. "Don't worry, I'll beat this rap."

Minato's trial began the next month and since he was the current hokage and therefore sat as judge on criminal trials involving the shinobi of the village, Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, sat over the proceedings. His prosecution was a member of the village council while his defense was one of his friends and the smartest man in the village, Shikaku Nara. Shikaku put up a very respectable defense and was able to stretch the trial out longer than expected but in the end, he was unable to defeat the insurmountable evidence against Minato and he was found guilty of murdering his wife.

"What the fuck?" Kakashi shouted. "This can't be true."

Rin just broke down and cried as Minato was taken away.

"Don't worry, sensei," Kakashi said. "We'll make sure nothing happens to Naruto."

Hiruzen took a few days to issue the sentencing, despite pressure from the council, he opted for leniency and gave Minato a life sentence."

"So, that's what happened?" Jiraiya said. "Are they still searching for the real killer?"

"As far as they're concerned, you're talking to him," Minato answered.

"So, you want me to take care of this kid, huh?" Jiraiya asked. "He any good?"

While the three of them spoke, Sasuke was also there visiting his parents who were arrested with the rest of their clan for conspiring against the village. 12 years ago, the Nine Tailed Fox attacked the village and all available shinobi were mobilized to defeat it, they were all there except for the members of the Uchiha clan. Minato was on the way to the scene with the Hiruzen who came to lend a hand when they took notice of a suspicious individual in the forest.

"You go on, Lord Hiruzen, I'll check this guy out."

"Don't take too fucking long."

Minato approached the person and confronted him.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?"

The man just calmly ignored Minato and continued watching the Nine Tailed Fox wreak havoc in the forest on his way to the village.

"He must have something to do with this," Minato surmised from his calmness in the face of the danger. "I asked you a question, motherfucker."

Having grown tired of this, Minato used the Body Flicker Jutsu and attacked, the masked figure just stood there as a surprised Minato's attacks just passed through him.

"Go away," he said. "You're starting to bother me."

Minato noticed what he was talking about as he saw his eyes and how they were locked on to the Nine Tailed Fox.

"Sharingan?" he thought. "He must be using it to control the fox."

Seeing that he didn't have the necessary time to defeat this mysterious foe in the face of the Nine Tails' rampage, he used his Flying Thunder God Jutsu to arrive in the middle of the action.

"Interesting," the masked figure thought as his sharingan caught sight of the jutsu.

Minato summoned Gamabunta to help battle the fox but to no avail as all of Gamabunta's attacks failed to do any damage so he opted for his last resort and sealed it within his newborn son.

"Damn it," the masked figure thought. "Oh, well, at least I've learned something interesting today."

Meanwhile, Minato was fighting for his life as the price for sealing the Nine Tailed Fox was his soul.

"I'm not going die," his strained voice said as he writhed on the ground trying to fight off the Reaper. "I don't give a fuck who you are."

"Fight it, sensei," Kakashi said.

Minato soon proved his strength as he was able to beat back the Reaper on sheer will power and saved his soul, that's when the Uchiha Clan finally showed up.

"And where the fuck were you?" Hiruzen asked. "We sent word for you to come and help."

"And we never got it," Fugaku said. "The only reason we're here now is because Shishui happened to see the Fox in the distance."

"There was a man in a mask," Minato said as Kakashi helped him to his feet. "He had the Sharingan and he seemed to be controlling the Fox."

"I assure you, Minato, every member of the clan that's in the village is accounted for."

"You expect us to believe that there's someone with sharingan outside of the village or something like that?" Kakashi asked.

"It wouldn't be the first time someone other than an Uchiha had the Sharingan," Fugaku snapped at Kakashi

Minato was assessing the situation and the fact that as the head of the Military Police, Fugaku was one of his most trusted officials and Minato granted him a little leniency.

"Everything is okay for now," he said. "But you wouldn't mind if we launched an investigation, would you?"

"No," Fugaku said. "We have nothing to hide."

The investigation began the next day and they found evidence of a planned coup d'etat by the Uchiha clan.

"I don't know where that came from," Fugaku said defending their clan. "We're being set up."

Hearing Fugaku plead his case, Minato came to a decision.

"If you have indeed been set up, then I'll make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"I let one of you go free to prove your innocence, how about Sasuke?"

"He's just a baby," Mikoto protested.

"And the only one of you whose innocence isn't doubted right now," Minato said. "It's not like you're going anywhere, besides, Itachi's still hasn't come back from his mission. I'll see to it that he helps."

While Itachi was coming back from a mission, he tripped a trap that alerted Minato to his location, Minato appeared before him stopping him from continuing to the village.

"Yes, Lord Minato?" Itachi asked kneeling.

Minato explained to Itachi the situation with his family and warned him against returning to the village less he risk being arrested on the spot.

"There's someone else with the Sharingan?" he asked.

"Yes," Minato answered. "And the more I think about it, he was definitely controlling the Nine Tailed Fox, for your family's sake find out who's behind this. I'll support you the best I can and keep this between me and you. Now, take this."

"This is one of your kunai," Itachi said.

"Whenever you have something to report, drop it and I'll arrive at your location."

Sasuke told his parents of his progress in training for the final round of the exam.

"That's good," Fugaku said. "What about the curse mark that snake put on you?"

"I'm struggling with it," he told them.

"When we get out of here, I'm personally going rip his heart out," Fugaku said.

"Has there been any word from Itachi?" Mikoto asked.

"No, mom," Sasuke said. "I don't know if he's alive or dead since the Fourth was arrested."

As he spoke to his parents, Jiraiya and Naruto who were leaving as visitation was over passed by them.

"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto said. "Lord Fugaku, Lady Mikoto."

"Hello, Naruto," Fugaku replied.

"Hey, there, Naruto," Mikoto said with a smile. "You're growing up to be quite handsome."

Her words made Naruto blush as Sasuke got up to leave.

"I'll see you next time," he said.

"We love you," Mikoto said as she and Fugaku were taken back to their cells with Minato.

They resumed their training until the day of the final round of the chunin exams, everything was going smoothly until Orochimaru sprung a surprise attack with the Sand Village. The Third Hokage faced off with his former student on top of the Lookout Tower while they were encased inside a barrier, Hiruzen looked around to see that the barrier was being maintained by four youths all dressed as Orochimaru was.

"Still molesting children, Orochimaru?" Hiruzen said with a sneer.

"Well, you know what they say," Orochimaru said with a smile. "You can't beat fresh squeezed."

"That's it," Hiruzen said angrily. "I'm going to do the children of the world a favor and do something I should've done a long time ago. End your fucking life."

The battle ensued and Hiruzen proved that he was still the master and Orochimaru was the pupil until he pulled a trick out of his hat by summoning Hashirama Senju and Tobirama Senju, the First and Second Hokages. Things were looking grim until Jiraiya used one his toads to smash through the ground beneath them allowing them to exit the barrier where things got a little hairy for Orochimaru, he was defeated after Zabuza cut his arms off after arriving with Kakashi and Guy.

"There ain't no messin' with my kage" Zabuza said as Orochimaru fell to his knees in pain.

Zabuza was about to administer the final blow when he was stopped by Hiruzen.

"Lord Hokage?" he asked confused.

"It seems as if he can bring people back to life," Hiruzen explained. "We need that talent, take care of the First and Second."

"Sir!" they shouted.

Jiraiya, Kakashi, Guy, Genma, and Zabuza combined their efforts with Hiruzen and managed to defeat the first two Hokage.

"Now, go," Hiruzen said. "Take this piece of shit to the hospital to make sure he doesn't bleed to death and keep an eye on him. Not you, Jiraiya, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Let's go, child molester," Kakashi said as the beat Orochimaru on the way to the hospital. "Walk!"

"Curse you, Sarutobi-sensei!" Orochimaru shouted.

Jiraiya followed his master as he went to the dome of Crystal Ice Mirrors Haku put around the four shinobi that created the barrier to keep them from interfering.

"You four," he said. "What do you say about joining us?"

"Never," the female among them said. "We serve Lord Orochimaru."

"We won't molest you," Hiruzen said to sweeten the deal.

They all looked at each other as there wasn't anything they could do but accept.

"Finally," one of them who had four extra arms thought. "We're free of him."

"What did you want to talk to me about, sensei?"

While Jiraiya spoke with his master, his new pupil and his teammates locked horns with Gaara of the Desert and his siblings. The battle had raged on for a while and Team Kakashi had done things they couldn't believe they had done, from Sasuke's Chidori to Naruto's summoning, they had finally weakened Gaara to the point that he had couldn't control his sand as well which left him open for a beating from Naruto until Temari and Kankuro decided that it was time to leave.

"The other should've been here by now," Kankuro said.

"If they aren't here by now," Temari said. "Then this operation's a failure, it's time to go."

They collected Gaara and made a retreat.

"That's right," Naruto said. "Walk on home, boy!"

"Those guys are lucky we're out of chakra," Sasuke said.

Excited at winning her first major battle, Sakura ran up and hugged Sasuke.

"We did it," she said until her other personality took over. "Cha! Get the hell off of me, pretty boy. Come here, Naruto!"

She gave Naruto a hug and they left to return to the village where Jiraiya didn't give Naruto a moment to rest.

"Come one, kid. We're leaving."

"Where are we going?"

"We have to find my old teammate, Lady Tsunade."


	3. Lady Tsunade

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 18 Everyone Mope Openly**

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors were still having trouble with the recently EMO lulamaemobster.**

"**Why'd you have to get hurt, Troy Polamalu?" he asked as he sat in the corner of the room with a Pittsburgh Steelers helmet in his hands.**

**They had tried everything and were at the end of their rope.**

"**Let's see what Rose Tiger can do?" ravercozy suggested.**

**They called her up and explained the situation to her, she came over to try her hand at cheering him up.**

"**He's in there," Kage Bijuu said.**

**She went the room and found him in the corner holding on to an autographed photo of Ike Taylor.**

"**Hey, how are you doing?" she asked. **

"**Eight months," he said. "It'll be another eight months until next season."**

"**Hey, come one now," she said handing him a tissue. "Give us a nice big blow."**

"**Thank you" he said after blowing his nose.**

"**Now, who's my cream puff?" **

"**I am," he said sadly.**

"**That's right," she said. "Now what say we do something to take your mind off of this, want to go get into a knife fight with Tully Offdenson?"**

"**No," he replied.**

"**Wanna go face Dick Cheney in Mortal Kombat?" **

"**No."**

"**Wanna go on-line and bad mouth Twilight even though you've never seen any of the movies just to see how many death threats you receive?"**

"**Yeah," he said sadly.**

"**Come on," Rose Tiger said. "Let's go on-line and bad mouth Twilight even though you've never seen any of the movies just to see how many death threats you receive."**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Lady Tsunade**

"Who's Lady Tsunade and why do we have to find her?" a confused Naruto asked as he and Jiraiya started their quest.

"I told you," Jiraiya began. "She's my teammate from my original genin team under Sarutobi-sensei. It was her, that freak, Orochimaru, and I. We later became known as the Legendary Sannin of the Leaf Village."

"So why are we looking for her?"

Jiraiya was in the hokage's office speaking on the matter of him stepping down and Jiraiya succeeding him, however, they weren't seeing eye to eye.

"I don't think it's fair that you're forcing this job on me when I don't want it," Jiraiya said.

"Welcome to the shinobi world, pupil," Sarutobi said. "Jiraiya, you ain't nothing. All you do is pimp ho's and write books about it. Who do you think you are, huh? The Sage of The Six Paths, the Great Toad Sage of Mt. Myobokuzan?"

"Naw," Jiraiya said trying to defend himself.

"Oh, you must be Lord Frieza."

"What?" Jiraiya thought confused.

"You ain't nothing," Sarutobi continued. "You don't deserve nothing, you don't get nothing. You get what I give you, I'm the sensei and you're the disciple, there's an understanding betwixt mean and you that means you do what I tell you to do. Therefore, shut the fuck…don't say nothing to me, don't speak to me, don't look at me."

Jiraiya just looked at his sensei as he knew this battle was all but lost.

"I'll tell you what," Sarutobi continued. "You'd better get out of my face before you get swole."

"Hey, sensei…"

"Hay is for horses," Sarutobi said.

"…how about I go find Tsunade, she runs her own business I'm sure she'd be a better choice."

"Okay, good," Sarutobi said. "But if she refuses, bring your ass back here, now walk on out of here 'cuz if I get out of my seat there's going to be trouble, trouble."

"So, she's supposed to be the new hokage." Naruto said as they continued their search.

"Yeah," Jiraiya said. "She's a shinobi on par with me and Orochimaru."

"What can she do?"

"She's the foremost expert on medical jutsu and has tremendous strength, it's off the charts. She's revolutionized the shinobi world when she introduced the concept of at least one medic-nin on every mission."

"She's that good?" asked Naruto.

"Yes, but she quit after her lover, Dan, and brother, Nawaki, died in battle."

"What does she do now?"

"She runs a brothel and gambling parlor in Tanzaku Town, I keep in touch with her because of my line of work."

"You're not just a shinobi?" Naruto asked.

"Shinobi by day, pimp by night," Jiraiya said. "I've got girls from the Land of Fire that men desire, from the Land of Wind that will make you sin, from the Land of Stones that'll make you moan, from the Land of Lightning that don't need any tightening, and from the Land of Mist that'll top the list."

As they continued their journey, a mist covered a secret entrance to the Leaf Village, the two guards stood ready as they saw two figures wearing strange cloaks and hats approaching, one shorter than the other and the taller with a sword on his back.

"Who are you?" they asked.

The shorter person just looked at them and they fell unconscious, they entered the village without any trouble and headed to a local tavern to sit down for a drink. Although, their behavior wasn't anything strange, they did manage to draw the attention of Kakashi as he waited for Sasuke to arrive for training. He just read his favorite book while keeping surveillance on them as he waited for backup to arrive, that's when Sasuke showed up.

"Kakashi?" Sasuke asked. "Aren't you early? It's not like you to be on time?"

"I'm on time when it counts, Sasuke," Kakashi said dropping his name on purpose.

"You said my name?" Sasuke said surprised.

Kakashi's experiment worked as the mention of Sasuke's name caused a slight reaction in one of the two strangers. At that moment, Asuma and Kurenai showed up ready for action.

"Good," Kakashi said after sending Sasuke away for safety. "Now we can end this charade, show yourselves, you fucks?"

The two strangers disappeared as the three jonin gave chase leaving a very confused Sasuke, the chase continued until the intruders ran into Guy and Zabuza cutting them off. They turned around to find themselves surrounded as Kakashi and the other caught up to them.

"It looks like we have no choice," the taller figure said taking of his hat to show his face.

"Kisame Hoshigaki?" Zabuza asked. "The Ogre of The Mist, I thought I recognized that weapon."

"It's been a while," Kisame said. "Zabuza Momochi, Demon of The Mist. The last time I saw you was when we tried to take over the Land of Mist, that operation would've been a success if you'd have killed the Mizukage like you were supposed to."

"It's good that you're living in the past," Zabuza said as he brandished his sword. "Because your future ends now."

"Who is your friend?" Kakashi asked.

The smaller figure took off his hat to reveal himself.

"You dare show your face in this village, Itachi Uchiha?" Asuma asked.

Itachi just remained silent as he locked eyes with Kakashi, trapping him within the Tsukiyomi.

"Where is this?" Kakashi asked.

"This is the Tsukiyomi," Itachi said. "We can talk freely here."

"So, what have you found?" Kakashi asked.

In the real world, Zabuza and Kisami were locked in a one on one duel of Mist Swordsman.

"You were nothing but a brow less punk playing with an overgrown knife," Kisame said as they clashed swords.

"You're one to talk, mutant," Zabuza said. "What was that name we used to call you, Fish Face?"

Hearing this made Kisame smile masking the rage within, he created a water clone with Zabuza following suit.

"Water Style!" they both shouted.

"Shark Bomb Jutsu!" shouted Kisame.

"Dragon Missile Jutsu!" Zabuza shouted.

The dragon and shark collided making a gigantic splash, the water shot up into the air and the drops fell as rain upon that area of the village. They continued their fight until Itachi decided that it was time to go.

"We didn't come here to fight a war," he said as Kakashi fell to the ground.

"I'll kill you next time," Kisame said to Zabuza as he left.

"Get back here!" Zabuza said giving chase.

It was of no used as Itachi used Amaterasu on a nearby grouping of trees to block his pursuit.

"Damn it."

He headed back to the other jonin to find Kakashi incapacitated.

"We gotta get this pussy to the hospital," Guy said.

They take him to the hospital where, to their surprise, Kakashi makes a complete recovery without any medical attention.

"I've got to tell the hokage something," he said. "Let's go."

After a little more travel, Jiraiya and Naruto finally make it to Tanzaku Town and then to Tsunade's place of business, Slug Queen's Palace.

"Hey, this doesn't look like the type of place I should be entering," Naruto said.

"I bet that's the first time those words have been spoken in this place," Jiraiya said.

"What do you mean?"

"This is a brothel, ya' know, a whorehouse." Jiraiya said. "As in a house full of whores, let's go."

They entered the building and Naruto saw things his young eyes had never seen before, there were men in their underwear who were chasing around women who at the most were wearing their panties in and out of the rooms and the women were some of the most beautiful Naruto had ever seen. He could see inside one of the doors that two people were having sex.

"So that's what 'it' is?" he thought.

Jiraiya walked up to the front desk and spoke to the lady attending it, she then walked to the back. A few minutes later, a well endowed woman who appeared to be in her 20s came out from a hallway on the second floor with another woman in her twenties carrying a pig.

"She's beautiful," Naruto said as he saw her massive breasts.

"Easy, big fella," Jiraiya said jokingly.

"Jiraiya," she said as she came down the stairs.

When she got to Jiraiya, she unleashed a thunderous right hand upon him

"Where the fuck is my money?"

That blow would've floored any man at best and seriously injured him if not killed him outright at worst but he just took the shot and stood fast.

"What money?" he replied holding his jaw.

"The 200,000 ryo you lost here."

"I didn't lose 200,000 ryo, you forgetful bitch," he said. "You lost 200,000 ryo to me."

She cocked back to unleash another right hand but Jiraiya cut her off by jamming his tongue in her mouth, her fist loosened and she began to moan in his mouth from the kiss and they started to head back upstairs.

"Take care of the kid," she said to Shizune.

"He's twelve so don't fuck him," Jiraiya said.

"What should I do then?" she asked.

"Let him watch," Jiraiya said throwing her a wad of money. "He's in need of a life lesson anyway."

As they went upstairs, Shizune called two girls from the back and took Naruto into a room, he sat down as they began kissing. Meanwhile, Jiraiya and Tsunade were already going at it, they were on bed and he was drilling her as she moaned his name. After half an hour of lovemaking, he finally gave out as he came followed by her.

"Now can we talk?" Jiraiya asked after calming her down.

"Go ahead," she said.

"Sensei wants to step down and name you hokage."

"What?" she asked sitting up

"He wants to step down as kage and he wants you to replace him," Jiraiya lied.

"Why me?" she asked. "It's a stupid ass job to have anyway."

"It's really no different from running this place, you'll just be an administrator for a village instead of a whorehouse/gambling parlor. You could even move this place there, it'll definitely perk up the place."

"Yeah but you don't die from this job," she replied.

"Look, damn it," Jiraiya said. "I don't want to go back there and face him when's angry so just do me this solid and be hokage, at least for a while."

She just lied back down beside him as she scoffed at the idea.

"That kid with you looks like Minato," she said. "Is that his son?"

"Yeah," Jiraiya said. "He looks like Minato but he has some slight traits of Kushina."

"I heard what happened to her, you think he did it?"

"Minato can be a vicious son of a bitch when he wants to be but he couldn't have killed her, not with the way he loved her. She's the only person crazy enough to make him be rational, that's what he loved the most about her."

"We'd better go get his kid before it's to late, one of the girls down there specializes in taking virginity."

They got to Naruto just in time as the girl in question was closing in on Naruto who was too busy enjoying the show to notice.

"That's close enough," Tsunade said.

They collected Naruto and went to the adjoining gambling parlor for some drinks and to talk. Jiraiya continued to try and convince her, the more Naruto heard her speak, the more annoyed he became.

"You sound like you're chicken," he said.

"Excuse me," Tsunade replied.

"You heard me," Naruto said. "You sound like you're scared to take the job."

"Scared?" Tsunade asked as she couldn't believe Naruto's insolence. "Kid, I've seen three times as many people die than you've met in your whole life."

Jiraiya was shocked at Naruto's new attitude, this wasn't the same kid he met almost two months ago. There was a peculiar fox-like grin on his face as he goaded Tsunade.

"There you go, seen," Naruto taunted. "You were probably looking on from some little hiding place while everyone else was getting down."

Tsunade was seething, if not for her lady-like restraint, she might've crushed him where he sat. Naruto just chuckled at her.

"I bet you wouldn't even last one week as hokage."

Naruto didn't know it, but he'd just said the magic word.

"You're on, you little shitstain."

**MESSAGE FROM lulamaemobster**

**SORRY FOR THE LONG ASS DELAY EVERYONE, THERE WAS SOME EXTREMELY IMPORTANT BUSINESS I HAD TO TEND TO AND I ONLY HAD THIS CHAPTER OF WALK AS IT WAS THE LAST THING I WROTE BEFORE. BE FORWARNED, THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE ONLY TIME I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK LIKE THIS SO DON'T BE SUPRISED AND DON'T HATE ME, UNLESS YOU ENJOY ANTICIPATION. SEE 'YA, SPACE COWBOYS. **

**BANG!**


	4. Reunited Families

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 22 Conan vs. Jay**

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors was hanging out at their base discussing the news.**

"**This is some ol' bullshit," lulamaemobster said. "Conan can't quit, man."**

"**This is all Jay Leno's fault," ravercozy said. "He should've just gone off of the air instead of that damn Jay Leno show."**

"**You can't blame him," Kage Bijuu said. "It's those dicks at NBC."**

"**Really, television, in general, has been sucking out loud lately," Chewie Cookies said. "It's like networks aren't interested in being entertaining anymore, look at Cartoon Network. They used to be a kick-ass channel to watch but they went from having Toonami, Megumi, and Adult Swim to just being a bunch of average anime, fifteen minute shows, and Fox reruns."**

"**Yeah," Blame Truth added. "I remember when they had the Dragonball franchise, Naruto, Bleach, Outlaw Star, The Big O, the Tenchi franchise, the Gundam franchise, Trigun, and what the hell happened to Inuyasha?"**

"**Yeah," Uzumakie said. "I'm still waiting for the end of that show, do they ever fucking kill Naraku?"**

"**Back to Cartoon Network," Adngo714 said. "They still have Bleach but that's about it although I liked Code Geass."**

"**I was a fan of Moribito," lulamaemobster said. "I'd like to let Bulsa handle my spear. I think we forgot Shin Chan, that was my shit."**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Reunited Families**

Jiraiya and his new protégé, Naruto, were walking back to the Leaf Village with Tsunade, Shizune and her employees. As they walked, Jiraiya was running the episode with Naruto through his head.

"That must've been the fox," Jiraiya surmised.

As they got to the village, they saw all of the men in the village waiting on them, to be exact, Tsunade's girls.

"Oh, baby."

"I think I'm in love."

This brought a smile to Tsunade's face as she feared that her move to the Village from Tanzaku Town would hurt her bottom line, the first person she met directly was Guy with his protégé, Rock Lee.

"Lady Tsunade," he said. "Let me be the first to welcome you back to the village."

"Welcome, my ass, Guy," Tsunade said. "I don't want to catch you around my place trying to steal my girls for your stable."

Guy and Jiraiya were both in the pimping profession in addition to their lives as shinobi, the only difference was that Jiraiya was internationally known while Guy felt comfortable being locally accepted.

"Two things, Lady Tsunade," Guy said. "First, I'm hurt that you think I'd do such a thing, you can't blame me if your girls get out of pocket. Second, I am A Guy Named Might."

"Tell her, A Guy Called Sensei," Rock Lee said.

"Whatever, Might," Tsunade said. "You just…"

"I'm sorry, Lady Tsunade but I'm not Might, I'm A Guy Named Might."

"That's what I said, Might," Tsunade said as she and her girls were confused.

"No," Guy said. "It's a Guy Named Might, you say the whole thing…"

At that moment, Guy…

"That's A Guy Named Might."

Sorry, A Guy Named Might…

"Thank you."

He spotted one of his girls not where she was supposed to be.

"Hey, bitch, you got my money?!" he shouted to her causing her to run away upon seeing him. "Excuse me, my dear Sannin. These hoes act like they've never seen a pimp before, I raise my hand and they look at it like it's something to be taken lightly until I bring it down and they realize that it's a divine tool of God used to put righteousness in the world."

"Tell them, A Guy Called Sensei," Lee said as he and Guy pursued his girl.

"Whatever," Tsunade shouted to them. "If I catch you around my girls, I'm going to pour bleach all over that suit you're wearing."

They continued to make their way to hokage tower where Hiruzen awaited them.

"Here she is, sensei," Jiraiya said.

"I'm surprised you got her to come here," Hiruzen said. "Looks like you don't have to take the job after all."

"Shit," Jiraiya thought as he could feel the anger emanating for Tsunade. "No, she was your first choice."

It was too late as Tsunade grabbed Jiraiya by the balls.

"I should've know better than to trust your lying ass," she said.

"What's done is done," Jiraiya said making her squeeze harder. "Ooh, let's not live in the past."

"Well, I'm here now, sensei," she said. "Now, get the hell out of my chair."

"Gladly," Hiruzen said. "There something I need you to do when you're finished with numb nuts at the prison, the paperwork's right here. Now, it's time for me to get some trim."

Hiruzen took off his hokage garb and left the office.

"You two, buzz off," Tsunade said to Naruto and Shizune.

She healed Jiraiya's testicles then grabbed him by the hair as she walked behind her desk and pulled her pants and panties down, she sat in her chair with her legs wide open and shoved his face in her pussy making him pay for lying to her. As he licked folds, she read over the paper work left by the Third Hokage.

"He wants me to heal Orochimaru's arms, you know anything about this?"

"Oh, yeah, that's a little trick we're working on," Jiraiya said using his lips for their intended purpose while rubbing her clit. "Orochimaru has learned how to resurrect people but we need you to heal his arms."

"What's wrong with his arms?"

"Sensei cut them off when he tried to destroy the village," he said as he slipped his member inside of her.

"Well, who are you trying to resurrect?" she asked as he began thrusting inside of her.

"Kushina, she may be able to shed some light on her murder."

"Okay," she said. "Hand me the roster over there."

Meanwhile, Naruto met with his teammates, he found Sakura hugged up on Sasuke as they spoke to Haku.

"When'd you get back, you weak fuck?" Sasuke asked.

"A few minutes ago, punk," Naruto said. "S'up, Sakura?"

"Hey," Sakura said.

"So, what's happened since I've left?"

They told Naruto about Itachi's return and Kakashi's injuries which surprised him.

"Fuck," Naruto said. "Your brother must be the man to do that to Kakashi-sensei."

As they spoke, Sakura's personality switched and she pushed Sasuke to the side and gave Naruto a hug.

"When'd you get back?" she asked.

As they spoke, Hinata, who heard that Naruto was back, had finally tracked him down and found him in the arms of Sakura and her personality that she affectionally referred to as…

"Sakura-bitch!" Hinata shouted angrily. "Get your fuckin' hands off of him, now!"

They immediately began fight each other viciously as they threw lefts and rights at each other, the action got Naruto's blood pumping and a change came over him as he watched until Sakura's nicer personality took over.

"What's going on?" she asked as she and Hinata had their hands around each other's necks. "Oh, we're fighting again."

"Tell Sakura-bitch to get her ass out here now," Hinata said.

Before they could restart their fight, Naruto gave Hinata a hug and kiss.

"I've missed you, baby," he said with a fox-like grin.

She calmed down and returned the hug as she left with him.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke asked.

"To get Kakashi-sensei some help."

Back in Tsunade's office, Jiraiya was sitting in her chair as she rode him while reading over the village roster of shinobi.

"So, there's another Ino-Shika-Cho Trio?" she asked. "And it looks like Minato's students are two of the best we have."

As she continued to read the paperwork over, she and Jiraiya finally came and put their clothes back on just in time for Naruto to walk in with Hinata.

"Hey, you old bitch," he said with his fox-like grin. "You need to get your ass over to the hospital and heal my sensei."

"Fuck you, kid," Tsunade said before realizing something Naruto said. "Old bitch? Why'd you tell him, Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya stood strong after eating a right hand from her.

"What's wrong with Kakashi?" Jiraiya asked holding his face.

"Sasuke's brother came and messed his head up pretty bad."

As Jiraiya was the only other person in the village other than his sensei, pupil, and the Uchiha Clan that knew of Itachi's mission, he knew what the situation was instantly.

"We've gotta go," he said. "Now."

They traveled to the hospital where they found Kakashi lying in his hospital bed.

"This is our top shinobi?" Tsunade asked in disbelief.

"Would you hurry up?" Jiraiya asked. "He has information we need."

Tsunade healed Kakashi and he popped up out of his bed.

"We have to find sensei, now."

They left Naruto and Hinata behind as Itachi's mission was to be kept secret and went to the Leaf Village Prison's.

"It's not visiting hours," one of the guards said.

"I'm the new hokage," Tsunade said.

They let her through and brought out Minato, Fugaku, and Mikoto.

"Okay," Kakashi said. "I just ran into Itachi."

"What can you tell us?" Minato asked.

Kakashi was inside the Tsukiyomi as he and Itachi spoke.

"So, what's with your partner and the new duds?" he asked.

"My search has lead me to this organization," Itachi ordered. "I've found that the real culprit is Madara Uchiha."

"Get the fuck out of here," Kakashi said in disbelief. "Next you'll tell me Hashirama and Tobirama Senju will comeb…"

Kakashi stopped as he realized that actually happened pretty recently.

"So, how's he still alive?"

"He's somehow immortal but he's incomplete and lurks behind the shadows of the Akatsuki," Itachi answered.

"The Akatsuki?" Kakashi said in surprise. "I've heard rumors of them, their leader is from the Rain Village."

"He's just a figure head, Madara's the real leader but make no mistake, he's far more dangerous than Madara is at this point."

"You said he was incomplete," Kakashi remembered. "What did you mean by that?"

"He hasn't told me," Itachi answered. "I don't believe he trusts me fully, I'm not entirely sure he doesn't know of my real goals."

"So, who's in this organization and what are their plans?"

"Their goal is to capture all of the jinchuuriki, Pain, the leader you heard of, wants to use them to destroy the structure of the world and plunge it into chaos so that it will rip itself apart then move into some twisted idea of peace he has. Madara's goal is unknown to me."

"What about the members?" Kakashi asked. "I already knew who Kisame was from my dealings with the Mist Village."

"They all operate in two man cells, there's Deidara the Stoned Bomber from the Village Hidden in the Stone and his partner Sasori of the Red Sands from the Village Hidden in the Sands, the man that kidnapped, killed, and made a puppet out of the Third Kazekage. Then there's Hidan, the Killer Priest of Jashin, and his partner, Six Heart Kakuzu from the Village Hidden in the Waterfall. Through his religion, Hidan has become an immortal as long as he keeps killing and Kakuzu's forbidden jutsu of taking the hearts of his enemies allows him live as long as they beat. The last one I've met was Zetsu the Cannibals."

"Cannibals?" Kakashi asked. "There are two of them?"

"Two in one," Itachi said. "You have to be careful as he can be in all places at once through his jutsu."

"What, you mean space/time like sensei's jutsu?"

"No, he seems to be able to travel through the ground and can appear at any ground based non-living surface. I've never met Pain or his partner, Konan, in person, only though astral projection and never seen them in combat. All that I can tell you is that he's always a different person every time I've seen him, it may be a jutsu of his and there's someone controlling the bodies, his partner speaks with the same frequency as an Aburame."

"What else can you tell me?" Kakashi asked.

"They're trying to make their goals easier by subverting the shinobi villages."

"How?"

"They've amassed a vast fortune through bounty hunting which allows them to take dangerous missions at a lower price than usual, their asking price and impeccable performance creates a bargain that no one can pass up and will make the shinobi villages obsolete. The ensuing loss of clients and funds will weaken the villages greatly enough that they will be unable to mount a proper defense then they can just sweep in, steal the jinchuuriki and mold the world to their will."

Tsunade and the others listened to every word Kakashi reported to them.

"When does all of this start?" Tsunade asked.

"He said three years from now before he left after I told him of what happened to sensei when he asked why he never responded to his dropping of his kunai."

"Well, we've got three years," Minato said. "In the mean time, that proves the Uchiha's innocence."

"Does it?" Tsunade asked.

"It's in the report I gave."

"What about your innocence?" Jiraiya asked. "That's part of the reason we brought her back."

"What do you mean?" Minato asked.

"She's going to heal Orochimaru's arms so that he can perform a resurrection jutsu he developed," Jiraiya said. "We'll make him resurrect Kushina and she can tell us who really killed her."

"Alright, good, go."

They left and Tsunade looked over Minato's report, once satisfied, she ordered the release of the entire Uchiha clan, Sasuke found it a wonderful surprise when his parents found him walking through the village.

"Mom, Dad?"

He ran up to them and the three of them embraced each other.

"Where's Itachi?"

"He's still on the run," Fugaku lied remembering what he knew of Zetsu. "Apparently, he was the one that summoned the fox in the first place."

In reality, Itachi remained within the Akatsuki as a double agent to gather more information, as Sasuke spent time with his family, Tsunade was at the prison infirmary with Sarutobi, Kakashi, and Jiraiya healing Orochimaru.

"Don't get the wrong idea about this, you perverted freak," she said after healing him. "I'm on…"

She was interrupted by Kakashi who gave Orochimaru a clean right hand to the face.

"Thank you, Kakashi," was the only thing she could figure to say. "Now, as I was saying, I'm only healing your arms so that you can revive Kushina."

"Hm, at least, I'll have a chance to stretch my legs."

"Stretch, my ass," Jiraiya said. "The three of us will be on your ass until you've finished."

"Well, it looks like the band's back together," Orochimaru said.

"What do you need for this to happen?" Sarutobi asked.

"Oh, it's quite simple really," he said with a smirk on his face. "I'll only need someone to sacrifice, preferably a female."

"Does it matter?" Tsunade asked.

"Not really, but I get the sense that Minato would think twice about his wife if the sacrifice was a man. Why not use one of the kunoichi you've imprisoned from my village?"

Instead of listening to Orochimaru, they used a kunoichi they imprisoned from the Sand Village after their invasion, the jutsu didn't take as long as they thought and a coffin sprouted from the ground in front of them. They watched as the coffin opened and Kushina walked out.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" she asked. "And why am I waiting for Orochimaru to tell me what to do."

"It's the jutsu," Orochimaru said. "The resurrected person has to follow my every command."

"Well, tell her to live her life as she normally would," commanded Hiruzen.

"As you wish, Sarutobi sensei. Kushina, you are to live your life as you normally would've before your untimely death, is that understood?"

"Yeah, whatever," she said not paying attention. "Where's Minato and my baby boy?"

"You seem to be anxious to let someone who killed you see all of your good parts," Tsunade said.

"He did?" she asked confused. "Then where'd he get the mask and Sharingan?"

"What do you mean?" Jiraiya asked.

"I was at home when someone Flying Thunder Godded their way in," she explained. "I thought it was Minato but when I turned around, there was this guy in a mask with one eye that had the Sharingan."

"Hm, it sounds as if he copied his jutsu," Orochimaru said.

"Thank you, detective," Hiruzen said sarcastically. "Well, Minato's innocent, let's go get him."

Tsunade and Hiruzen personally took Orochimaru back to his cell as Jiraiya took Kushina to retrieve Minato.

"Baby," he said with tears in his eyes. "Oh, girl, I missed you."

The cell opened and they embraced each other for the first time since she died.

"Show me how much you miss me, motherfucker," she said.

They shared a deep loving kiss as soon as they left the prison, they were greeted by Naruto, Kakashi and Rin, who took a day off from the hospital to see her sensei free for the first time since his imprisonment.

"Mom!" Naruto shouted as he ran up to her.

"Hey," she said smiling. "Wow, I've missed out on so much."

Not having anywhere to stay, they slept at the Hatake Estate for the night.


	5. Take A Little Trip

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 25 Fan Fiction: Clash of Writers**

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors locked horns with their rivals, The Legendary League Of Fan Fiction Writers. ravercozy and partymonster matched each other move for move as each blow they landed thundered out through Delaware. Kage Bijuu had powered up to his 30****th**** tail as Vizer Espada had released his mask and zanpakto they leveled most of the terrain around them as they clashed. Morristofoxes and Harristowolves were nothing more than blurs as they used their blinding speed to battle. Blame Truth and Accuse Honesty's battle was ranged as Blame Truth dodged Honesty's lightning bolts while he avoided Truth's fireballs. Chewie Cookies and Crunchie Crackers were locked in a test of strength and wills as they clenched fingers trying to over power the other. Uzumakie and Kurosakie battled using their jutsu and Zanpakto. lulamaemobster and olamaegangster faced off staring at each other with murder in their eyes.**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Take A Little Trip**

Jiraiya, Minato, and Fugaku met with Tsunade in her office which now had a jutsu canceling seal placed on it like the prison to make sure Zetsu couldn't watch them.

"So, what do we plan on doing about this?" Minato asked. "Those guys in the Akatsuki sound serious and I couldn't even deal with Madara that night."

"He shouldn't be that difficult right now," Fugaku said. "The only reason he could possibly be alive right now is if he used Izanagi and if he used that, he's not as powerful as he once was."

"So what are you saying?" Minato asked insulted.

"I wasn't saying anything," Fugaku said. "You already said you couldn't handle half of an Uchiha, don't get pissy with a full Uchiha."

"Now's not the time for dick measuring," Tsunade said. "Now, we have three years, we have to make preparations."

"On that note, I have a request," Jiraiya said.

"What's that?" Tsunade asked.

"I'm leaving the village and I want to take Naruto with me."

"What?" Minato asked.

"Oh, no," Tsunade protested. "If I have to be here, you have to be here."

"Listen," Jiraiya said. "We know nothing of the Akatsuki other than what Orochimaru and Itachi told us but there are two problems. One, Orochimaru is a former member that defected after failing to steal Itachi's body, they've undoubtedly made changes to their organization since then. Two, Itachi is a current member, how often do you think he'll be able to give us information? As he said, Madara's still suspicious of him and he took a great risk bringing us the information when he did. I want to dig up what I can find while we still have time."

"Why do you want to take Naruto?" Minato asked. "Kakashi and I can train him if that's what you're worried about and we can use the Uchiha can handle the fox if it ever gets out.

"That's just it," Jiraiya said. "He's going to need to learn how to draw on the fox's power, you can teach him all of your jutsu when we come back. It may take a while but can you imagine someone with the power of the Nine Tailed Fox using your abilities?"

They thought it over and eventually saw it Jiraiya's way on the condition that he waits a week to give Minato and Kushina time with Naruto before he leaves, Minato and Jiraiya went to tell him and found him at their new home with his mother.

"I'm leaving?" Naruto asked. "Why?"

"Jiraiya-sensei's going on a trip to check on his girls, we think it'd be a good life lesson for you," Minato lied as he didn't know if Zetsu was around. "Where's your mother?"

"She's in your room," Naruto said.

Minato took a breath to gather enough courage to face his wife as he went down the hall.

"How long are we going to be?" Naruto asked.

"A couple of years," Jiraiya said.

"Man, that's a long time to be away," Naruto complained.

"Look at it this way," Jiraiya said. "You'll know how to deal with the ladies when you get back."

As Jiraiya tried to sell the trip to Naruto, they could hear how Kushina was taking the news.

"…he's not going anywhere," she shouted. "I already missed the last six years and you want me to miss three more?"

"Come on, baby, don't be like that," Minato shouted before they heard a loud smack.

He came out of the room with a black eye on his face.

"I take it she's not that receptive," Jiraiya said.

"Aw, I'll give her some and she'll love me again," Minato said.

* * *

Naruto went to tell his friends about the upcoming trip and his teammates were sad but understanding.

"Looks like I'll have to find someone else's to be better than," Sasuke said.

"Did I ever tell you how hot your mom is, asshole?" Naruto asked.

"Not as hot as yours," Sasuke countered.

"Oh, I'll miss you Naruto," Sakura said with her arms wrapped around Sasuke until her personality flipped and she pushed Sasuke to the side to hug Naruto. "You can't leave, who's going to take my virginity?"

Naruto went to break the news to Hinata and found her coming back from sparring with her teammates.

"So, you're leaving, huh?" Kiba asked grinning. "Don't be surprised if I'm the top dog around here when you get back."

"You may be the top dog," Naruto said grinning. "But you'll still be a bitch."

"You can't leave," she said. "Who's going to take my virginity?"

* * *

While Naruto was out, Minato was weaseling his way back into his room as he saw his wife was still angry and glaring at him.

"Baby?" he asked meekly which seemed to make her even more angry.

Figuring it was best to just be quiet knowing how his wife gets, he walks up to her making sure to avoid eye contact and not to make any sudden moves. When he was close enough, he kissed her on her neck. He glanced at her face and could see it was softening a little but still angry so he kissed her again making her take him by the back of the head telling him to continue. He took it a step further and put his hands on her ass making her drape her arms over his shoulders. They took it to their bed and she tore off his clothes.

"Yeah," he said receiving a slap as he hadn't earned the right to speak yet.

She took off her clothes and sat on his face making him pleasure her, he licked her pussy as he rubbed her body. Her juices ran down his face as her arousal grew more and more intense until she came, she slid down his hard member and started taking her anger out on him was she ground her pelvis into his. Despite, her anger at him, the feeling of her husband within her still felt like heaven to her. They came together and he wrapped her in his arms when she fell to his chest.

"When's he leaving?" she asked.

"In about a week," Minato said. "It's only for a few years."

"I just don't want to miss anymore time with him."

"The time will fly by," Minato said. "Believe it."

"Really?"

"I've been in jail for the last 6 years, I should know. Besides, if you miss him, we could just make another one."

"Let's get started then."

* * *

The night they were supposed to leave, Tsunade and Jiraiya were in bed talking after making love.

"There's something I gotta tell you," he said.

"What?" she asked as she laid next to him with her head on his chest.

"You know us pimps don't love these hoes, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's why I love you."

"What?" she asked sitting up to look at his face.

"I love you."

She searched his face and saw that he was seriously telling the truth.

"So, you're serious, huh?"

"Yeah," he said as she lay back down.

"That's good," she said. "Because I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

This time Jiraiya sat up as he was the shocked one.

"But you're so old."

"It's a jutsu I used," she said breaking his arm for insulting her then healing it. "It slows down the frequency of my periods giving more time to get pregnant."

"How 'bout that, why haven't you told anyone?"

"Well, it's only supposed to be used in conjunction with my anti-aging jutsu and up to this point, it was experimental, it slowed down my periods but this is the first time I've gotten pregnant."

"So when did it happen?" he asked lying by down beside her and resting her head back on his chest.

"When you and that brat came to get me from Tanzaku Town, you did a little more than hit the spot."

"I suppose we should get married or something," he said.

"I'll draw up the paperwork tomorrow," she said. "But now we need to celebrate."

They began their celebration as she kissed him, the next day, they were seen off by their friends and families.

"Don't let anything happen to him," Kushina said.

"I won't," Jiraiya said.

"I'm serious, you lose my son, you're gonna lose your junk."

Naruto was hugged by both Hinata and Sakura-bitch and left with Jiraiya for his journey, their first stop was a village in the Land of Stone where Jiraiya went to collect some money from his girls.

"Hey, daddy," they said when they saw him as they strolled through the night.

"Hey, babies, this is my new protégé, Naruto."

"Hello, Naruto."

"Good evening, bitches," Naruto said.

"So, what do y'all got for me?"

They all handed him large sums of money much to his delight except for one girl whom he felt was a little light.

"Bitch, what is this?" he asked. "This ain't enough, how long has it been since I last saw you?"

"Sorry, daddy?"

"Sorry?" he asked. "I can't believe this."

He looked around as if his feelings were hurt.

"Is Lord Jiraiya gonna have to choke a bitch?"

"No, daddy," she begged.

"I think Lord Jiraiya is gonna have to choke a bitch, I'm not a violent man. I try not to be but I think I'm going to have to choke a bitch."

Before Jiraiya could wrap his hands around her neck, Naruto stopped him.

"Come on, man, give her a break I'm sure she'll get you your money, right?"

"Yes, I'll have your money the next time you come back, daddy," she said to Jiraiya.

"Okay," Jiraiya said. "You'd better thank Naruto, bitch. Go ahead."

"Thank you, Naruto. And I love your manga and its fanfictions."

* * *

As they continued their journey, life went on in the Leaf Village as Hinata was meeting with the Branch Family of the Hyuuga in secret.

"What's this about?" Hizashi asked.

"Well, it seems as if they want to put the curse on me," she said. "That jackass called my father thinks I'm a lost cause and prefers that I be sealed as opposed to my younger sister."

"So what do you want us to do about it?" Neji asked one of them

"What you should've done a long time ago," she said frankly. "Kill them."

They were surprised to hear this from her, the daughter of the head of the clan herself was proposing they kill her father and family. They were stunned but that didn't mean they weren't receptive to the idea.

"How?" they all asked.

She gave them their answer as she produced a some glass and smashed it.

"We grind this up so that they can't see it and we put it in their food, it'll be slow but effective and no one will be able to tell it was us."

They all smiled as they knew the days of their oppression were over.

"There's just one thing," she said. "We don't kill anyone we don't have to such as Hanabi and the other children."

* * *

Elsewhere in the village, Rin came home to find Kakashi in bed with Anko as she was sucking him off.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Oh," Kakashi said moving Anko. "Anko here was feeling a little down so I brought her home to cheer her up."

"What's wrong?" Rin asked as she gave Anko a kiss.

"Well, it's just that I'm yesterday's news since Tsunade and her girls got to town," Anko said sadly.

"That sucks with you being a nympho and all," Rin said understanding.

"You see my point."

"Yeah and I see Kakashi's so what are going to do about it?"

Anko bucked up and they went to double teaming Kakashi, Anko resumed sucking him off as Rin kissed him while she took her clothes off. When she was as naked as they were, Anko went over to eating her pussy while she jerked Kakashi off. Kakashi grabbed Anko's hips and started eating her pussy while she ate Rin's.

"Do me," she begged Kakashi.

While her face was buried in Rin's pussy, Kakashi started to pound her from the back. Both of them moaned as they felt their pussies getting worked until Rin moved away from Anko's mouth and reached under her bed. She pulled out a double sided dildo and put inside her pussy, Kakashi stopped to let Anko take the side that poked and slide it inside her pussy.

"What are you waiting for?" Anko asked Kakashi as she and Rin fucked each other.

Not wasting anytime, Kakashi started pounding Anko in her ass until the three of them came. They laid in the bed in naked bliss as Kakashi went back and forth between them.

"Look, Anko," Rin said. "Whenever you feel like doing something, just come see us."

"Thanks," Anko said as she was riding Kakashi.

* * *

Sometime later, members of the Hyuuga clan suddenly died, the branch family of the Hyuuga clan was brought in by the Military Police with the newly reinstated Uchiha Clan for questioning as they had the most to gain from the death of the Main Family and became the prime suspects. Tsunade herself performed the autopsy but couldn't find anything more than shredded intestines.

"Is that it?" Fugaku asked as he got the report from Tsunade.

"Yes, there was significant damage done to their intestines but the damage wasn't conducive to any manner of killing known to associate with the Hyuuga Clan."

Later, Hinata came to the Military Police to give her testimony.

"There was no way they could've done it," Hinata said with tears in her eyes. "Despite what you may think, there was not animosity between the Main and Branch Families. I just hope you find their killer soon."

"Cut the shit, Hinata," Fugaku said. "We know they killed them and you may have had something to do with it, you're just lucky we can't find any evidence."

The Branch Family was released due to lack of evidence, they went back to the compound and searched until they found every scroll, they burned the ones teaching how to use the curse seal and began distributing the scrolls teaching the clan's secrets to each member for them to learn. Hinata was sitting with her uncle and cousin as they enjoyed their newfound freedom but Hinata wasn't finished.

"There's something else I need you to help me with," Hinata told them.

* * *

"Achoo," Naruto sneezed while he was traveling with Jiraiya.

"Somebody must be talking about you," Jiraiya said.

A couple of years go by and Naruto finally returns home, as soon as he enters the village gates, he was jumped by some Hyuuga, blindfolded and tied up. Jiraiya came to his defense before Neji intervened and explained what was happening, Naruto could hear Jiraiya laughing.

"Why the fuck are you laughing?"

"Just relax, Naruto," Jiraiya said. "You might live through this."

Naruto was dragged away kicking and screaming, they brought him to a room and untied him before locking him in. He took off the blindfold and found Hinata lying on the bed.


	6. Taking All Bets

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 29 Rose Tiger and Daisy Lynx**

**Rose Tiger and Daisy Lynx held lulamaemobster and olamaegangster with only eye contact, that was until they caught a glimpse of each other.**

"**Motherfucker," they both shouted.**

**They tried to attack each other again but Rose and Daisy held them back.**

"**Didn't I say stop?" they both asked.**

"**I can't," lulamaemobster said. "We can't."**

"**Those dicks think their better than us," partymonster said.**

"**It's because we are," ravercozy said.**

"**Fuck you," Accuse Honesty said.**

"**No, fuck you, motherfucker," Blame Truth said.**

"**Whatever," Rose Tiger said. "I can't leave you alone for a second without you getting into something stupid."**

"**The last thing I need is for you to hurt that pretty face of yours fighting that loser," Daisy Lynx said to olamaegangster.**

"**What did you just call him?" Rose Tiger asked.**

"**I called him a fucking loser," she answered.**

"**Listen, bitch, you don't call him a loser 'cuz I will rip your fucking nipples off."**

**Lulamaemobster and olamaeganster smiled as he wasn't the ones being yelled at for once.**

"**Don't sing it, bring it, bitch," Daisy Lynx said.**

"**Uh-oh," was all that they said as they knew what was about to happen.**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Taking All Bets**

"Why don't you join me, Naruto?" she asked as she got to her knees on the bed wearing nothing but a mesh shirt and panties.

Naruto eyes traced her form and his arousal grew, he hadn't lost his innocence yet but after traveling with Jiraiya for the past few years, he attained a new appreciation for the female form. She watched him and noticed that his face was different, it was more than being an older, more mature face. His eyes were blue with vertical slits, his hair was wilder, and she could see that his canine teeth were elongated from the grin on his face and his whisker marks were darker. His entire face was more intense, more feral.

"Don't keep me waiting," she said.

She could hear a slight growl from him and it turned her on even more, he approached her and grabbed a handful of her shirt and tore it off of her. Her panties dampened as she enjoyed his forcefulness, he grabbed her panties and tore them off as well and started to rub her pussy making her moan slightly.

"I've been waiting on this for so long," she said.

"So have I," he growled.

The guttural sound of his voice and the feel of his hand on her woman hood was too much and she had an orgasm right there. Not wanting to wait any longer, she repaid him by ripping his clothes off as he continued to grin at her. Once undressed, he pushed her back on to the bed, he climbed on top of her and found a kunai at his neck.

"I'll kill you if you're gentle," she said as he just grinned at her.

He slid into her and didn't stop when he heard her wince.

"That's right," she moaned. "Make it hurt."

The added pain of his sharp nails and teeth on her body gave her pleasure although he made sure not to scar her beauty.

"Naruto," she moaned louder and louder until she screamed when she came.

He let out a loud roar as he came with her, he hovered over her with both their bodies quivering.

"Again," she demanded as she put the kunai into his neck again making him grin again.

Meanwhile, Jiraiya ran into Minato and Kushina with their two year old daughter, Minako.

"Where's my son?" Kushina asked.

"Off becoming a man."

"The Haruno girl?" Minato asked hopefully.

"No, the one from the Hyuuga," Jiraiya said disappointing his former pupil while making Kushina smile. "What's wrong?"

"Well, for a while, that crazy ass Haruno and Hyuuga girl have been bickering over who Naruto was going to give it to first so Lady Tsunade's parlor started taking bets," Minato explained. "I bet on the Haruno girl since they're teammates and I figured they'd see each other first. I should've known I was going to lose though."

"You made the same bet as Tsunade, didn't you?" Jiraiya asked knowingly. "How many times have I told you about that?"

"She placed her bet after I did and I couldn't change it."

What he didn't know was that the real reason Hinata got to him first was because of his smiling wife hedging her bet. She approached Hinata while she and the Branch members were taking control of the Hyuuga clan.

"Let me put something in your ear," Kushina said.

"What is it, mother in law?" Hinata asked.

"Mother in law?" Kushina asked. "I like that, now I know you and that crazy-ass Haruno girl have had differences in regards to who my son was going throw it in first."

"Yes, we've discussed it a few times," Hinata said smiling at her confidently.

"Well, I can tell you the day he'll be back, all you have to do is have your family snatch him up and then you can snatch him up."

"You will?" Hinata asked excitedly. "Oh, thank you, mother in law."

"Think nothing of it," Kushina said. "I already said I like you, just keep that between us, okay?"

As Kushina walked away, she couldn't help but smile as the success of her plan was all but secured.

"Everyone's betting on the crazy ass Haruno girl because they're teammates," she thought. "Now, that I've fixed it, I'll win it all."

Jiraiya grew tired of hearing about Minato taking a loss and asked about their daughter.

"I see you two have been doing things while we've been gone, who's this little one?"

"This is Minako," Minato said.

"She's beautiful, she looks just like you, Kushina. That reminds me, I got a kid, where's Tsunade?"

"She's at Hokage Tower," Kushina said.

"She's still hokage?" he asked. "I thought she'd cut that shit out a while ago."

Jiraiya made his way to hokage tower to find his wife at work while their son, Kazuhiro, was playing.

"Hey, baby," he said with a smile.

"Jiraiya!" Tsunade said happily.

She came from behind her desk and they approached each other, Jiraiya was prepared for an embrace but only found his son shoved into his arms.

"I'm glad you're here," she said. "I need a break."

"But…"

Before he could anything else, she gives him a quick kiss and pushed him out of the office.

"Daddy," Kazuhiro said.

"I guess we can get to know each other, kid," Jiraiya said as he walked out of the office.

As he walked through the village, he was spotted by Sakura who was walking through the village with Sasuke, that's when her personality flipped and she pushed Sasuke through a nearby building rushing towards Jiraiya.

"Where's Naruto?" she asked frantically.

"Uh…"

"He's not with Hinata, is he?"

"Uh…"

"Cha!" she said darting off. "I'm going to kill that bitch."

Jiraiya went over to help Sasuke out of the rubble.

"Damn, she's strong," Jiraiya said. "She's been training with Tsunade, hasn't she?"

"Yeah," Sasuke said holding his ribs.

"You're a better man than me."

"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked confused.

"I've dealt with crazy bitches and I'm married to a woman that can crush me with her bare hands, you're dealing with both."

"It's not so bad, her nice side likes me and when that bitchy side that hates me comes out, I go find Ino."

"Wow," Jiraiya said. "You are better than me, I've had any number of women, but I've never a half of a woman."

"Yeah, well, ya' know," Sasuke said.

Naruto finally came out of the room with Hinata, he walked through the Hyuuga manor until he found the dojo where he found Neji and his father training some of the younger Hyuuga.

"Damn," Hizashi said. "You two were in there for a long time."

He saw that Naruto was ready to defend himself from his attacks and realized what Naruto was thinking.

"Calm down," he said showing his curse seal. "Hiashi's dead, I'm the new leader of the clan."

"Oh," Naruto said calming down. "What happened?"

"Must've been something he ate," Neji joked.

"Hey," Hanabi said. "Are we going to train today?"

Hizashi went back to training with them as Neji and Naruto talked.

"First things first," Naruto said before punching him in the chest. "That's for kidnapping me."

"Don't blame me, she's the one that couldn't wait."

"Was it too hard to talk to me about it?"

"Here's something I want to talk to you about, why do you look like if you wanted to fuck a dragon, you could?"

"Oh, my training," Naruto said. "The fox and I are good now."

"Byakugan!"

Neji used his byakugan and read Naruto's chakra, he could see that his chakra flowed faster than normal and seemed like it was ready to explode, it was way more intense than when they fought at the chunin exams.

"How did you manage to get control of it?"

"I kicked a little ass," Naruto said. "I can even dial it back when I need to."

They continued to talk while Sakura stormed the compound using her immense strength to power through the Hyuuga guards, she opened a door and found Hinata lying in bed with a satisfied yet exhausted look on her face.

"You bitch!" she shouted. "Well, if I can't be first, I can be next. Where is he?"

Hinata was so lost in bliss that she didn't care about whatever Sakura had going on and she was too tired to do anything about it if she did, she could only manage enough strength to point in a general direction that she thought Naruto went. As Naruto and Neji spoke about his trip, Sakura busted into the dojo.

"There you are."

**MESSAGE FROM lulamaemobster**

**HEY, GUYS, AS I'VE SAID A FEW TIMES BEFORE, I'M AN ASPIRING WRITER. WELL, NOT REALLY ASPIRING ANYMORE BECAUSE I'VE ACTUALLY WRITTEN A SCRIPT(IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT MESSAGE ME AND I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT). NOW, IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TRY AND GET IT MADE WHILE I'M WORKING ON TWO MORE SCRIPTS AT THE MOMENT. THE PROBLEM IS THAT IT'S GOING TO SEVERELY HURT MY FANFICIONING. SO, IN ORDER TO CONTINUE POSTING CHAPTERS LIKE A MADMAN, I'LL HAVE TO SHORTEN THEM. INSTEAD OF 6-10 PAGES A CHAPTER, I'LL HAVE TO GIVE YOU 5-6. SORRY, DON'T HATE ME, TO MAKE UP FOR IT, WHEN I BECOME A BIG TIME ACTOR/WRITER, I'LL MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE THAT'S COMMENTED ON MY STORIES, GOOD OR BAD, AND ALL MEMBERS OF THE ULTIMATE ALLIANCE OF AUTHORS FORUM GET TO COME TO THE PREMIERS OF MY MOVIES FREE SO YOU GUYS KEEP ON ROCKIN' AND I'LL KEEP ON ROLLIN'. IN THE MEANTIME AND, AS ALWAYS, SEE YOU, SPACE COWBOY. BANG!**


	7. Sakura's Turn

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 33 That's Fucked Up**

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors were at their base having just read the latest chapter of Naruto.**

"**Fuck Sasuke," lulamaemobster said. "How could he fuckin' kill Karin?"**

"**I wonder if there are anymore Sasuke fans out there," Adngo 714 said.**

"**There can't be," ravercozy said. "Look at how he treats women, he knocks out a twelve year old Sakura and leaves her on a park bench for God know what to happen to her, then he killed Karin just because she got caught by Danzo."**

"**I could see doing that to Sakura because she would've stopped his revenge before it started," Kage Bijuu said. "But he wouldn't have even got to that point if it wasn't for Karin who had to heal his bitch ass twice."**

"**If Sasuke was real and standing right here," Blame Truth said. "I'd beat the shit out of him right now."**

"**Hell, yeah," Chewie Cookies said.**

"**I just hope Naruto gets his head out of his ass and does what he needs to do when Sasuke gets to the Leaf Village," Uzumakie said.**

"**Her name was Karin, her name was Karin," lulamaemobster chanted in memory. "Her name was Karin, her name was Karin."**

**The rest of them joined in the chant, they didn't know it but so did Rose Tiger and Legend of Namikaze Naruto at their respective locations. The chant even spread to The Legendary League of Fan Fiction Writers then to the Onemanga dot com forum, then to adultswim dot com forum until the entire anime and manga world was chanting. **

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Sakura's Turn**

Sakura dragged Naruto to Tsunade's place of business where she had a room set up for the both of them, as it happened, he saw his mother collecting her winnings.

"Hey, mom," Naruto said.

"No time for that," Sakura said throwing him into the room.

She locked the door and watched him bent over trying to get up.

"So, you're going to tease me, are you?"

In a blink of an eye, he was in her face with his fox-like grin.

"I don't tease," he said grabbing her by the hair.

He jammed his tongue down her throat, it turned her on a little but she had other plans and pushed him to the bed.

"I'm running this show."

She climbed into the bed with him and slapped him as he got back up. He finally got the idea and let her take over, she took his shirt off and started dripping hot candle wax on his chest.

"Ah," he said.

He started to notice that he enjoyed the feel of the heat on his chest, until he was surprised by another feeling on his chest. He looked down to find a metal clamp on his nipple.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked losing his fox-like grin.

"I learned this from one of the girls here when I was training as a dominatrix," Sakura said. "I'll take it off if you don't like it."

"Hold on, I didn't say I didn't like it, you just sprung it on me."

"Don't worry, you just need a safety word when you want me to stop."

"Well, the safety words gonna be 'Get the fuck off of me, you crazy bitch!'"

"Okay," she said giving him a kiss.

She put another clamp on his other nipple and held him down to start kissing him all over, he got another shock as he felt a bite on his shoulder.

"Harder," he said.

She bit down harder until she broke his skin and drew blood, something else came out as she swallowed some of the fox's chakra and started coughing.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah," she said as her voice straightened out.

She regained her composure but felt something strange come over her, she began to grin at Naruto like a fox.

"What's that look?" he asked seeing that face for the first time on someone else.

She didn't say anything as she looked at him like a predator closing in on its prey, before he knew it, she had snatched his pants and underwear off and took his member in her hands.

"Hey, hey, careful with that, you can't hurt that."

She climbed on top of him and put him inside of her grinning, he started moaning along with her as she had her way with him and rode him hard and fast. The fox's influence over her caused her not to even notice the pain of having her barrier broken by Naruto. She kissed him again before biting him and scratching him all over until she let out a roar as they both came. He could see from the feral look in her eyes that she wasn't finished with him. They came back down a few hours later to applause from Tsunade's employees and some of the customers which included Hiruzen as they heard them.

"I didn't know you had in you, kid," he said clapping. "Well, I guess it's in her now."

Naruto headed home after walking Sakura to hers and found a surprise, he now had a sister.

"What's her name," he asked his parents as he held her.

"Minako," Kushina said counting her winnings.

"Where'd you get all that money from, mom?" Naruto asked. "You were at that parlor, you win a bet?"

"Yeah, I bet on, uh, when you'd get back."

"Oh."

"Never mind that," Minato said still annoyed at losing. "Tomorrow, we start your training."

"Right, I'm going to be training tomorrow, sis," Naruto said playing with her.

"Trayny?" she asked.

"That's right, that's good, Minako" Minato said.

Naruto decided that he should head out to the village to she what was new, as he walked through the village, he found Sasuke with Ino.

"Sasuke, Bitch."

"What's up?" Sasuke answered.

"Fuck off, Naruto," Ino said.

"Hey, is your mom still hot?" Naruto asked.

"Not as hot as yours."

"Well, she's certainly hotter than Ino."

"Fuck you," Ino said angrily.

"I'm not into older chicks."

"That's it, Mind Transfer Jutsu!"

Ino entered his mind but quickly exited before she was attacked by the Nine Tailed Fox.

"What the hell was that?" she asked.

"Never you worry, just tell your family about it the next time they want to try me. So, what's new around here?"

"Well, the Sand Village is on our side now," Sasuke answered.

"What the fuck, how'd that happen?"

"Apparently, Orochimaru killed the Kazekage and they came groveling back," Ino answered.

"Damn it," Naruto said. "I was looking forward to fighting Gaara again."

"Yeah, he's the Kazekage now," she added.

"What else is new?" Naruto asked.

"Well, it seems like something big is about to go down soon," Sasuke said.

"What do you mean?"

"My dad's been a little on edge lately and the village has been beefing up security."

At the hokage tower, Tsunade was meeting with the highest ranking shinobi in the village.

"As you all know, the time is nigh," she said. "The Akatsuki will be making their move anytime now."

"Well, I can pretty much guarantee that Kisame's gonna die," Zabuza said sharpening the Decapitating Knife. "What about you, Haku?"

"It doesn't matter," Haku said. "Anyone that gets in your way must perish."

"I guess that's two I can count on," Tsunade said. "What about the rest of you slack asses, are we going to let the motherless fucks take us out?"

"How will we know them?" Guy... "Didn't I tell you before?"

Sorry.

"How will we know them?" A Guy Named Might asked. "That's better."

"According to Jiraiya, they dress even worse than you do. They wear long black cloaks with red clouds floating on them and large hats with bells hanging from the brim."

"Shit," A Guy Named Might said. "They can dress."


	8. And So It Begins

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 37 Ze Pendant...I mean, The Pendant**

"**Give me ze pendant!" Black Nazi shouted. **

"**Nein," Blame Truth said defiantly. "Come and take it."**

"**I zought you'd never ask, I'll do zis alone."**

"**You guys stay out of this," Blame Truth told the rest of the Ultimate Alliance Of Authors.**

**The two of them started walking towards each other leaving their respective back ups behind, their walking increased to a jog then to a full out sprint. When they were close enough, they both leapt into the air and collided. They landed on the ground with Black Nazi on top trying to choke him but Blame Truth forced him to release the choke with a few stiff punches to the ribs. Blame Truth picked him up and threw him into a nearby wall the gave him more punches to the ribs that made everyone winch from sympathy pains.**

"**Damn, he's really givin' it to him," Kage Bijuu said. **

"**Yeah, no shit," Morristofoxes agreed.**

**Blame Truth moved his punches to Black Nazi's head and connected with a couple until he moved causing him to knock down the entire wall.**

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**And So It Begins**

Two figures walked through the desert, one tall with smoke emanating from their body and the other a unique shape, towards the Sand Village.

"You know you do too much of that shit," said the uniquely shaped figure.

"Easy, man," the other figure said through his coughs. "I'm an artist."

"Your lousy excuse for art is no excuse for smoking yourself into a coma, not to mention that it smells like shit."

"Look, I need this to focus, Sasori, it's not like you're going after your target. Soon, the One Tails Jinchuuriki will get lifted when he sees the art of Deidara, The Stoned Bomber."

Back in the Leaf Village, Naruto was hard at work training with his father while his mother looked on with Minako.

"Okay," Minato said. "So, sensei's taught you how to summon toads and my Rasengan, now it's time to teach you the Flying Thunder God Jutsu."

"So, what am I supposed to do?"

"First, you know how a summon works right?"

"No," Naruto said.

"Well, a summon is kinda like breaking a seal. When the 'seal' is broken, whatever you summon is allowed to pass through to your location. This jutsu is the same but you're basically summoning yourself, or you're letting someone else summon you."

"Wow, this isn't really as unique as I thought it was," Naruto said. "How come no one else thought of this?"

"I told him," Kushina shouted from the side. "You should've seen the way he used to go on about how his jutsu was the best and most unique."

"Would you shut up?" Minato asked annoyed. "Can't you see we're training?"

"Who are you yelling at?" Kushina asked.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was doing a bit of training with his father as well, he didn't really know why but his father had turned the dial up on his training for the past few months and was now teaching him Uchiha techniques that he normally wouldn't have given his age.

"Now, we're going to learn the Fire Star Jutsu," Fugaku said.

"What kind of jutsu is that?" Sasuke asked.

"It's a jutsu were your body is covered in flames allowing you to burn your opponent when you use taijutsu, it also makes them weary of direct attacks."

"How does it work?"

"You build up your fire chakra internally then expend it throughout your body and hold it."

While he taught Sasuke the hand signs, Naruto was with his father creating his contract seals for the jutsu.

"Now, with these," Minato said. "People will be able to summon you when ever they need to."

"Really?" Naruto asked.

Minato decided to give him a demonstration and took one of the seals, he took it a few yards way and slammed into the ground.

"Huh," Naruto said as strange feeling came over him.

He looked around and saw that he was now next to his father suddenly.

"What happened?" Naruto asked.

"You passed through space and time," Minato said. "This allows you to travel great distances in a very short amount of time."

"Whoa," Naruto said.

"Now, you need to learn the Body Flicker Jutsu and it'll be complete, then you'll be a killing machine like me."

Back in the Village Hidden in The Sand, Kakashi and Asuma led a group of Leaf Shinobi who were there to assist with the threat of the Akatsuki.

"Okay," Baki said addressing the coalition of Sand and Leaf. "We can expect them any day now and according to the intel we've received, they have to acquire the One Tailed Jinchuuriki first so first priority is to guard the Kazekage while the Leaf mounts the offensive as the rest of our shinobi guard the gates."

"Baki!" shouted a Sand Shinobi as he busted into the meeting. "We've spotted two figures approaching through the desert."

"Damn, I didn't think they'd be here so soon," Baki said. "You have your orders, let's move."

The shinobi mobilized with the Sand Shinobi heading for Gaara while the Leaf Shinobi, which included Shikamaru, Izumo, Kotetsu, and Raido among others, headed for the rest of the Sand shinobi that were standing guard.

"So, that's them," Asuma said coughing from one of his funny cigarettes. "What's with that funny looking one?"

"I don't know," Kakashi said. "We'll find out soon, you stay out of harm's way, Shikamaru, we'll need you to help coordinate in addition to your primary goal of taking note of their tactics."

"Got it," Shikamaru said.

As they watched the two Akatsuki members approach, Kakashi grew impatient and decided to see what the big deal was.

"Hold on," Asuma said. "I'll go with you."

They headed out past the gates and through the cliffs until they came face to face with their enemies.

"So, you're what the fuss is all about?" Kakashi asked. "A pretty boy stoner and whatever the hell that is."

"Well, if it isn't Sharingan Kakashi," Sasori said. "Good, I'll be able to avenge my parents by killing the son of their killer."

"That was war," Kakashi said exposing his Sharingan.

"And this is personal," Sasori replied.

Without another word, Sasori discarded his hat and cloak then attacked Kakashi with his tail, Kakashi was able to dodge despite the fact that his Sharingan was unable to track it due to it coming from an inanimate object. While they clashed, Asuma and Deidara faced off with only one thing on their minds.

"You wanna hit?" Deidara asked.

"Pass that shit," Asuma replied.

They laughed as the smoked and watched Kakashi battle Sasori.

"I can't believe their smoking that shit at a time like this," Sasori said.

"Remind me to kill the both of them when I'm done with you," said Kakashi. "Wind Style: Air Grenade Jutsu!"

Kakashi breathed a ball of air into his hand and threw it at Sasori.

"You missed," Sasori said as the grenade passed him over head.

"Says you."

The grenade landed behind Sasori and air dispersed shredding his outer puppet armor reducing it to rubble.

"Now to you two," Kakashi said turning to Asuma and Deidara who were floating.

"Damn," Asuma said choking from the smoke. "That's the shit."

Before Kakashi could take one step, he could hear noises from the rubble.

"Not so fast," Sasori said standing up. "We're just beginning."


	9. Vengeance Is An Art

**The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors waited patiently as Sagewriter91 studied Blame Truth's pendant, he came back with an interesting find.**

"**I've done some research and this pendant is one in a set of six."**

"**Okay," Blame Truth said. "But why's it so important?"**

"**I was getting to that, once the six are brought together they will unlock something. This is the known as the Pendant of Heart, the rest are the Crown of Mind, the Gauntlets of Strength, the Ring of Control, the Boots of Speed, and the Armor of Protection."**

**The Ultimate Alliance was shocked to hear something that sounded like it came straight out of a manga could be real.**

"**I'm shocked that something that sounds like it came straight out of a manga could be real," the said.**

**See?**

"**Here's a picture of the rest of the pieces," Sagewriter91 said showing them.**

**As they looked, Uzumakie that the ring looked very familiar to him.**

"**I've seen this ring before," he said as he finally remembered.**

"**Where?" they all asked.**

"**There's this old pimp that lives in my neighborhood, he doesn't have the best game and he's pretty ugly but he clocks hoes like it's nothing."**

"**Not surprising if he has the ring," Sagewriter91 said. "It gives you control over the weak mined, think Jedi Mind Trick."**

"**We'd better go see who this guy is," ravercozy said. "Whom ever Black Nazi, excuse me, the Nazi of African descent is working for isn't done looking for it. What does it unlock?"**

"**It will unlock the Tomb of Nitsua Evets, the ancient enemy of Kcoreht," Sagewriter91 said. "This will lead to his resurrection."**

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS Artistic Vengeance

Kakashi watched as Sasori unleashed his masterpiece, a puppet made out of the Third Kazekage.

"So, that's what happened to him after the Third World War?"

"Yes," Sasori said. "He was the only person in the village that rivaled me as a shinobi but we now see that my art is the superior to his abilities."

"So, you killed the Third Kazekage before leaving to join a group that had a member that killed the Fourth Kazekage and are now helping someone kill the Fifth Kazekage? If that isn't village loyalty," Kakashi said sarcastically. "I don't know what is."

The puppet attacked Kakashi but having faced the Third Kazekage when Minato nearly killed him during the last world war, he was familiar with it's abilities and was able to defend despite being unable to read it's movements.

"Damn," Kakashi thought. "This Sharingan is basically worthless."

Kakashi went to cover his Sharingan to conserve chakra until he realized something.

"I just need to learn what the movement of his fingers mean and I can read the attacks."

This wasn't lost on Sasori as he noticed Kakashi nearly covering his trump card.

"He may have figured something out, I'd better end this quickly."

Back in the Leaf Village, Naruto was going through his Body Flicker Jutsu Training and found it more grueling than the he had anticipated.

"Man, it sure helps having this fox's chakra," he thought. "Or I'd have passed out by now, how am I supposed to apply my chakra to my metabolism?"

Naruto's biggest problem was the problem he always had, the focusing of his chakra.

"You're trying too hard, Naruto," Minato explained. "This is a passive jutsu."

"What the hell is passive jutsu?" Naruto asked confused.

"What your damn mouth, boy," Minato chastised. "Now, an active jutsu would be something like the Rasengan or the Chidori, a jutsu you actually have to do something with. A passive jutsu is more of an enhancement of your abilities, the Body Flicker Jutsu increases your speed to the point that the opponent can't even see you."

"So, what am I doing wrong?"

"You have to relax yourself when you build your chakra and then just move, you're gonna end up doing something like the Hyuuga's Rotation with the way you're doing it."

"Okay," Naruto said. "Just relax."

As Naruto worked through his training, Sasuke was making great progress in his training as usual.

"As expected of my son," Fugaku said as Sasuke completed the jutsu with flames all over his body. "Now, Minato and I have talked and we think that we could combine your fire jutsu with the wind jutsu of his son."

"Naruto has wind jutsu?" Sasuke asked surprised.

"Yes, Minato found out before he began training him, adding the power of your combined jutsu to that Haruno girl's healing abilities and immense strength will make you a near unstoppable squad."

Sakura was about to go for some training of her own when she was struck in the back felling her to the ground, she scrambled to regain her bearing while she quickly healed her injuries before ducking another attack. She looked and saw Hinata with her Byakugan activated.

"What the fuck?" Sakura asked. "Did Naruto tell you I was better? You shouldn't be mad, it's the truth."

Hinata laughed as if Sakura had just told her a joke.

"That's because it was a joke," Hinata said. "There's no way you were better than me, you have no idea the thing I've learned from the Gentle Fist of Love scrolls."

"You do know I was trained in a whorehouse, right?" Sakura asked.

She could see that Hinata thought about it for a second.

"Touché," Hinata said. "But everyone knows that I'm the hottest piece of jailbait in this village."

"Not for long," Sakura said. "'Cuz I'm gonna fuck up your face!"

The two kunoichi began brawling in the dusty streets of the Leaf Village as the people watched and cheered them on. Sakura swung first but Hinata ducked and covered Sakura's head with her jacket then gave her repeated Gentle Fist blows to the chest until Sakura pushed her off. Due to Sakura's strength, she pushed Hinata through a nearby wall giving her enough time to heal herself. Next, she attacked Hinata with a kick to the side that broke her ribs as she started coughing up blood.

"Bitch!" Sakura shouted as she kicked her again.

As Sakura went for another kick, Hinata grabbed the leg she stood on and yanked it from underneath her. She got to her feet and hit Sakura with a nearby table as she tried to get up as well. They eventually took their brawl back out onto the streets until they were happened upon by Tsunade, who was out and about in the village, with Kushina, who decided to take a break from watching her husband train their son.

"I know damn well you two ain't out here fuckin' up my village!" Tsunade shouted. "Get your asses over here, now!"

The bloodied and beaten kunoichi limped over to their hokage ready to be grilled.

"Let me guess, Naruto?" Tsunade asked.

"Well, after I made Naruto mine," Hinata began. "This bitch came into my house and kidnapped Naruto after I was in a sex coma."

"Like father, like son," Kushina thought.

"Not to be a snitch or anything," Hinata said. "But maybe you should arrest her."

"Hinata, shut up," Tsunade said as she healed Hinata while Sakura healed herself. "You two stay the fuck away from each other while you're in my village, now, get the fuck out of here."

"Yes, ma'am," the both said bowing.

They continued to stare each other down as they walked away letting Tsunade know that they were going to continue their little fracas in the very near future.

"Uh-uh," Tsunade said. "Hinata, you go this way and you go that way, Sakura."

They went in different paths as Tsunade commanded but still in the same general direction.

"You see where they're headed, right?" Kushina asked holding Minako.

"Naruto's in the training grounds, isn't he?" Tsunade asked. "Well, as long as they aren't destroying my village I don't give a shit."

"Shit, shit," Minako imitated making Tsunade laugh. "She's so cute when she curses."

Back in the Sand Village, the battle between Sasori and Kakashi was becoming more intense.

"This is for my mother and father!" Sasori shouted as he unleashed another attack.

Kakashi was so intent on learning the meaning of Sasori's finger movements that he was almost caught by the attack.

"Okay, I think I've learned most of his finger movements," Kakashi said. "Maybe it's time I get offensive."

Kakashi took out a kunai and threw it at Sasori who used his puppet to defend leaving himself open for an attack, Kakashi took the opportunity to strike and got past the puppet. Sasori was too quick and the puppet came back to his defense but Kakashi had studied the movement of his fingers and could tell what where it was without seeing it and dodged accordingly while continuing his attack.

"This is the end!" Kakashi shouted as he aimed a kick at Sasori's head.

That's when he was rocked by a burst that came from behind him, he looked back to see a cloud of smoke dissipating to reveal the puppet destroyed.

"He must have been desperate," Kakashi said through his coughs.

He continued to cough even after the smoke cleared which let him know what had happened.

"Poison?"

"Exactly," Sasori said. "Soon, you'll be joining that wretched father of yours in hell."


	10. Message

**MESSAGE FROM lulamaemobster**

**Hey readers, this is lulamaemobster. I'm just checking in to let you know I haven't forgotten about you it's just that my job and my screenwriting have taken up a lot of time lately. I currently have the internet at home but now I need a new computer so, once I jump that hurdle, I and the Lula Mae Mafia will be back. Don't forget to message me if you feel like speaking or have any questions**

**See ya Space Cowboy.**

**Bang!**


	11. Stiring The Pot

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**Stirring The Pot**

Kakashi was writhing in pain from the poison taking effect, Asuma broke the two man cipher he had with Deidara to aid his fellow Leaf Shinobi.

"Here," he said. "Smoke this."

Asuma gave Kakashi what we'll call his medicinal herb to smoke, it didn't take long for the medicine to cure Kakashi of the poison.

"This stuff really works," Kakashi said through his coughs as he stood up.

"And everyone just thought I was just some waste-oid," Asuma said. "Although I gotta wonder how you were able to smoke it without removing your mask."

"I'll tell you later," Kakashi said. "Puppet bitch is first up on my shitlist."

Kakashi walked up to Deidara with malice in his eyes.

"You got me with that poison but I got your timing now and I'm going to put you down like my old man did your parents."

Two days later, Kakashi reported back to the hokage with Sasori's head in his hands.

"What do you have to report?" Tsunade asked them.

"That's one down," Kakashi said throwing the head on the desk for her to examine.

"One?" she asked confused as she looked Sasori in the eyes.

"It would've been two if the Stinky Green Shinobi here didn't strike a deal with the other one."

"I'm his supplier now," Asuma said counting his money. "He quit the job after he got a sample of my stash, he said he's going to focus on his art so you can count him out of the game."

"That's good," Tsunade said. "There's more good news for you two."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You can pretty much call your days as a genin team leader over, those three kids are on it and they're pretty much got their classmate's shit together. You should see your team, Asuma."

Kakashi and Asuma looked at each other with a surprised look on their faces.

"That's because we are surprised," Kakashi said.

"Especially with how fucked up my team was," Asuma added.

"Well, while you were getting smoked out," Tsunade said. "Those rookies and Gai's team have already taken down an Akatsuki cell on their on."

Hidan found himself surrounded as ten members of the group that has come to be known as the Leaf Village 12 had just finished off Kakuzu. They all looked at him as if he was prey ripe for the taking while he looked back at all of them, that's when Naruto appeared using The Flying Thunder God Jutsu taught to him by his father with Sasuke using the Body Flicker Jutsu from Shishui's scroll given to him by his father.

"I gotta say," Hidan said. "You kids have a lot going for you with the way you destroyed Kakuzu but I'm in a totally different league."

Sasuke and Naruto just looked at each other then looked at the rest of their friends giving a nod and with that, they pounced on him like a pack of wild beasts. He swung his scythe but it was quickly taken away from him by Lee.

"Son of a bitch!" he exclaimed in surprise.

In his shock, he didn't notice Shikamaru's shadow almost taking hold of him but dodged it at the last second allowing him to retaliate against Shikamaru who proved himself to be the most intelligent of the group and the brains. His plan failed as Sakura was able to grab him with her tremendous strength and that was all was needed as the rest of them converged and began to pummel him.

"Hey, watch it!" Sakura shouted as she took a few accidental shots from Hinata. "Accidental my ass."

"You got that right, bitch," Hinata said with a smile on her face.

"Okay, that's enough," Sasuke said.

The rest of them stopped their assault of the Killer Priest of Jashin and made way for Naruto and Sasuke.

"Is this what you really wanted?" Naruto shouted angrily while holding the beaten but still alive immortal by the head. "This is what you get then, do it."

Naruto moved out of the way and to let his friends resume their dismantling.

"Fang Over Fang!" Kiba shouted as he and Akamaru hit him with their most powerful attack. "Yahoo!"

"Stand him up," Neji said.

Lee and Choji stood him up as Neji and Hinata stood on either side of him with two sets of Eight Trigrams appearing beneath him. "Hyuuga Style Forbidden Jutsu: 16 Trigrams…"

"It sounds like they really shitted on him," Asuma said after hearing Tsunade's story. "They all hit him with their most powerful techniques?"

"Yes," Tsunade confirmed. "From Lee's Lotus to Naruto's Rasengan."

"Is there anything left," Kakashi asked.

"Barely but the children are still having nightmares from when they saw his body as they dragged him back through the village, they've strung him up in front as, what they call, a reminder."

"That's what that was?" Kakashi asked. "I thought somebody had hung up some rotting meat for some odd reason, those kids are all right."

Elsewhere in the village, The Konoha 12 were gathering at their meeting place to revel in their dominance.

"I can't believe this," Neji said. "It's like there's no one that can touch us."

"Yeah, cuz," Hinata agreed with her arms draped around Naruto.

"Cha!" Sakura shouted as her other personality came out. "Get your fucking hands off of him."

She pushed Sasuke aside and immediately began to bicker with Hinata allowing Ino to move in on Sasuke and leaving Naruto to break them up.

"Stop," Naruto shouted. "That's not why we're here."

"Wait," Kiba asked. "Why are we here?"

"We're here," Sasuke interjected. "Because Naruto and I have come to a decision."

"What decision?" Shino asked as he watched his beetles overthrow an ant mound.

"That it's time for us to be running things," Shikamaru said. "It took us ten minutes to do what the other villages couldn't, we're fuckin' geniuses."

"So, we're supposed to stage a coup?" Choji asked.

"If that's what you wanna call it," Sasuke said. "Naruto and prefer to call it…"

"…a revolution," Naruto added.

Unbeknownst to the twelve of them, Zetsu The Cannibals was eavesdropping on their conversation and went back to report to Pain.

"Well, this is interesting," his black side said appearing in Pain's Rain Village stronghold.

"What are you talking about," Pain asked.

"It seems as if those punks that took out Hidan and Kakuzu are looking to stir the pot a little," White Zetsu said. "They're planning to take over the Leaf Village."

"Those cheaky bastards," said Madara said appearing in the room.

"What do you think we should do?" Konan asked.

"I think our best bet is to sit back and pick our spots, we'll no doubt have our chance to strike at each of the jinchuuriki during all of the chaos this is bound to cause."

**MESSAGE FROM lulamaemobster**

**HEY, GUYS, I'M BACK. NOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO CRANK OUT THE STORIES WITH MY USUAL WORLD RENOWNED FREQUENCY BUT I CAN AT LEAST GIVE YOU ON NEW CHAPTER OF A STORY A WEEK. SHOUT OUT TO THE ULTIMATE ALLIANCE OF AUTHORS, WE DO WHAT WE LIKE AND WE LIKE WHAT WE DO.**

**SEE YOU SPACE COWBOY. BANG!**


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